Tribute to my grandma

Dulcie Irene Postel
August 26, 1916-October 18, 2009
Age:93

I just wanted to share with you how beautiful my grandma was.
It has been a long couple months.
She fell Aug.18th and broke her hip and shattered her elbow. She had a 5 day stay at the hospital then was released to a nursing home for rehab. She was doing really well and as you can see in one of my previous posts, honoring her on her birthday, she looked great. Not sure how things made a turn for the worse except that there was a notable change in her when she was admitted back to the hospital for a possible pulminary embolism, which turned out not to be. She was released back to the nursing home and then had another set back a week or so later. She was put back in the hospital on Oct.9th for severe dehydration, thrush and urinary tract infection. She never was able to make it back from that. On Sat. 10/17 she was placed in a hospice care facility where she passed on Sun. 10/18.
She was completely miserable until they started to sedate her to help calm her down. I am so thankful that my dad was able to spend some alone time with his mother Sunday morning. He left and an about an hour and 10mins. later she passed away.. She wasn't alone, her daughter and grandson were in the room and she opened her eyes briefly and they were able to tell her they loved her again.
It's been such a joy to be able to pray and talk to grandma about our sweet savior. I'm pretty confident that she understood the importance of accepting HIM as her own savior and acknowledging that she was just a lost sinner without him. Dan played such a huge rule in praying and talking with grandma. I am so thankful that I had a chance to be a part of watching him with grandma. Thanks so much Dan for all your love, prayers, support and giving me the chance to spend this time with my grandma.
I am looking forward to seeing grandma again when my sweet savior calls me home!

Do I Trust What I Believe?

Well, to say these last couple weeks haven't been exhausting, trying, or emotional would be a lie.
It started Sept. 28th-my dad went to the dermatologist for a spot on his neck that he's had for a couple years. Yep-you heard right, a couple years! It started hurting him a few months ago and that's when I told him he had to get in to see a Dr. Well, the biopsy came back and he has squamish cell cancer. It is cancer, and it is curable. The problem is that it is pretty big, so that means all day at the surgeons. His appointment is Oct. 22nd.
That evening around 10:45 my aunt called to say they were taking my grandma to the Er from the nursing home with a possible pulminay embolism. I stayed with my mom while my dad met my aunt at the ER. He got home around 2:15am. I was waiting for him to come out of my moms bedroom to ask how my grandma was and he wasn't coming out. I went back to see what was going on and half way down the hallway I could smell what had happened. My mom had made a mess all over her, the bathroom and her bed. (I won't go into detail) So I scrubbed my mom down as my dad cleaned the bathroom and bed. We were back in bed at 3am and I had to get up at 6am to head into work for 7!
Sept 30th-I'm at work and I get a phone call-it's my dad crying, He tells me your mom is hurt. They don't sleep in the same room anymore because my mom wanders through the night and my dad needs his sleep to be able to care for her. He said he thought it unusual that her door was still closed at 8am so he opened it to check on her and found her on the ground moaning with her left arm broken beind her back. So he called Mary her hospice nurse who came over and decided it best to transport her through evac.
Dan picked me up at work and we met them at the ER in Deland. I thought after all this time of accepting and knowing my mom has a terminal illness and will one day be called home by her Savior, I would be ready for that. Let me tell you-I cried like a baby seeing her laying helpless and crying in the ER. She broke her humeris at the top (right below her shoulder) Not sure when she took her fall or how long she laid there before my dad found her. She has a 3 month recovery time and is suppose to wear a sling with her arm wrapped in a swath so she doesn't move it. That of course isn't working. She has high anxiety and won't leave it on.
My grandma was discharged from the hospital on Oct. 2nd just to be readmitted on Oct. 9th for severe dehydration, Urinary tract infection, and thrush. Before she was taken back to the ER on Oct 7th I visited her at the nursing home and had a wonderful visit. We cried, laughed and I was able to pray outloud for her. We talked a little about Jesus and I was able to share HIS love for her.
Dan and I went to visit her Sunday afternoon and Dan shared some more about how much Jesus loves her and about forgiveness. She actually repeated as Dan prayed out loud. We went back up yesterday afternoon and met my mom and dad there. We prayed again with her before we left. She is not doing well. You can barely understand what she says and her breathing is very labored. Not sure if she will be able to pull out of it this time.
When all this was going on I still had 2 days of ladies retreat at our church, bible study, a wedding, a babyshower,,,and GOD got me through it all.
One of the most beautiful things GOD showed me during this time was through my husband and grandmother. I saw him rub her back with lotion, rub her arms with lotion, hold her hand, pray with her and tell her that when GOD wakes him up at night thinking about her that he immediately prays for her. It was a very tender moment that I don't get to see often. I see God working in Dans life, my dads life and most of all in my life. As difficult as life has been these last few weeks, even the past few years with my moms illness- I wouldn't trade them for anything. He is doing amazing things through it all. So do I trust what I believe??? WITHOUT A DOUBT! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!!! Thank you sweet Jesus for these opportunites that draw me closer to you!

Our little addition to the Daly home

On Tues. Sept 8th Dan and I went for a 3 mile walk and while on the walk Dan looked down and noticed a newborn animal of some kind. He assumed it was dead and we started to walk away. I just had to go back and look at it 1 more time. I noticed that it moved slightly and told Dan it was still alive. We started to walk away again and for the life of me couldn't leave this tiny little baby just laying there to die (especially since a big old cat was sitting on the brick wall around the same area.) So Dan and I discussed the baby and he just couldn't see how we could take care of it along with all our other "stuff" in our life. So, we started to leave again and that's when I got teary eyed!! So Dan stops and says "Do you want it, tell me now so I can go back and get it?" Well-of course I wanted it!!

Brennen has always wanted an animal of his own to raise from a baby, so I knew he would jump on the chance to care for it. Brennen looked at different web sites and called multiple vets to try and get the best info for keeping her alive. The hard part was everyone had their "own" suggestions on the best care for it. So,,we went with the advice we thought would work the best and so far so good! He has done a wonderful job caring for this tiny baby. We figure she was only a couple days old when we found her and it's been over 3 weeks now since we adopted her. The 2 pictures are one from about a little over a week ago and the one from today with her cuddled up to Sonic the Hedgehog. The last time I saw her was Monday and I couldn't believe how much she grew in the last few days. I guess giving her the puppy formula along with a bit of heavy whipping cream is agreeing with her!!
I know Brennen and I are guarding our hearts from getting real attached to her but man, you can't help it,,she is so darn cute! Brennen hasn't named her yet because of the fact that she might not make it-so meet our new little baby squirrel....

Happy 93rd Birthday Grandma!!!

My grandma turned 93 on August 26th. We celebrated this birthday at the Alliance Nursing Home in Deland where she has been since Aug.22nd. She fell on Aug. 18th at her home and shattered her elbow and broke her hip. I just wanted to take a second and honor her on her birthday (I know I'm over a week late)
As long as I can remember my grandma has been a very sophisticated woman. She always kept a beautiful home and dressed very nice. Her holiday table and meals were just beautiful and delicious. She had 2 children, Delsie Rae and my dad with my grandfather. Then her second marriage she took in Clyde's 2 children; Clyde & Rene. She is a very strong and determined lady. She knows what she wants and usually won't settle for anything less.
My prayer for you grandma is that you will know your savior personally, so that we will be in our heavenly Father's glory and presence for eternity. I love you grandma, I appreciate you, and I am thankful that you are my grandma!
Your grandaughter,
Valarie

Mom and Dad's 50th

Danny's parents 50th Wedding Celebration

"FOOD FOR THOUGHT"

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and GOD.
It never was between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa :-)

HAPPY 71st BIRTHDAY MOM

My mom is 71 today and I just want to honor her, even if she doesn't know it's her special day today.
Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16
Verses 1-6
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Verses 13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

You are the most amazing mom in the world and I have been blessed beyond measure by being your daughter. I am so appreciative that God created me through the love of you and dad and that I was born into this family that GOD chose for me. I know that it wasn't always perfect and we had our struggles, but if I could pick any family in this whole wide world I would always choose the one I was born into.
A lot of who I am today is because of the example you were to me as a child, a teenager, a young adult, and then as an adult.
You were always there for me-ALWAYS!
I wrote part of Psalm 139 because even though I tell you how wonderful you are, I wanted you to know how much more wonderful GOD thinks you are. You see, HE created you, HE knit you together in your mother's womb, you are fearfully and wonderfully made by your HEAVENLY FATHER. Before a word is even spoken from your lips HE already knows what you're going to say, HE knows our thoughts before they are even in our head. Isn't that just amazing mom??? HIS love for you is so much greater than my love for you (that's pretty amazing considering how much I love you)
As I struggle with this day of wondering "could this be your last birthday?" I have to go back to GOD'S word as he says in Psalm 139:16 "all the days ordained for you were written in HIS book before one of them came to be." HE already knew that this was going to happen, your days were already written out for you before you took your first breath on your on. I am so blessed and thankful that I have had close to 47 years with you. Of course the selfish side of me want 30 more :-)
I know the day will come when HE calls you home and you will being standing in awe before our SAVIOR, seeing HIM face to face and HE saying "Well down good and faithful servant"
I love you so much mom and I want to thank you for all the memories! You make life fun for me. You make me laugh hysterically at the things you say and do. Thank you for always being willing to dance with me! Here's to plenty of more dances together..............
Love you to the moon and back,
Valarie

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!!!!

Dear mom,
I just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day and also thank you for loving me the way you do. I know alot has changed over the years and there is not a whole lot that you can understand anymore. This I do know, when you look straight into my eyes I see the love you have for me, there is this gentleness and love that I know is there. When you keep playing with my hair and looking at
me saying "you are so beautiful" I fight back tears, not of sadness, but tears of "I am the most blessed daughter in the world to have you as my mom!"

You were there for me-always. I feel so blessed that I have ALL these sweet memories to hold on to, because of you. You have taught me so many things over my lifetime. One of those is that you were a friend to all. Not only your friendships that you valued and enjoyed, but also you never walked into a place whether it be a waiting room, grocery store, elevator, etc.....that you didn't take the time to talk to someone. You always were the one that initiated "hello" to people that you passed, complete strangers, you made them feel like they were special!!

Another memory is your smile that always lit up anywhere you went. Still to this day people comment on your big smile that is so beautiful. You enjoyed life even in the "stressful" times. You were a pillar of strength during the "difficult" times and showed me what it meant to have FAITH!

You are an amazing, and I hope that one day I can follow your example and be an amazing WIFE, DAUGHTER, SISTER, & MOTHER just as you have become!!!! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM,
From your daughter who loves you to the moon and back-always!
Valarie

A KISS FROM MOM!

As a stayed with my parents this past week I ended up getting sick with the flu. I was feeling so bad on my last day there. After running around for a few hours we arrived back to their house. I new I had to lay down and rest before driving the hour back to my house. I gathered all my belongings so that I could just leave after I rested a bit. Seeing me gathering all my stuff, my mom started getting upset. She asked me if I was going and I told her yes after I rested a while though. She says, "Awe-don't go". I told her to come back and lay down with me so we could rest, thinking once she fell asleep I would just sneak out. Well, I must have been exhausted, because as we held hands laying in bed, I passed right out.

Once I awoke, she popped her head up and got out of bed. We went out on the sun porch and sat with my dad and she knew that I was feeling really bad. She kept touching my arm, my neck and my head with such concern on her face. She bent down and kissed my forehead a couple times. I had my legs up resting on a stool, and she continued on like this for about more 5 minutes with the continual touching, then all of a sudden she went down and kissed the top of my foot :-) I know some of you might be thinking yuck, but to me that was huge, it was my mom trying to care for me and not knowing how as she saw her little girl sick and in pain. I responded with tears in my eyes, "you are STILL my mommy, trying to make me feel better huh?" Her reply "yes". I know I am 46 years old, but the kiss, touch and love of my mom is so amazing and such a blessing to me.

My beautiful mom,
Oh, the joy in my heart as I experienced that sweet moment Jesus gave to me, having my mommy back. I will take those moments over any other right now in my life because I know all too soon, you will be taken from me. As dad and I got the news on 3/12 that the Dr gives you 6 months or so to be with us, it was so difficult. Even though I knew one day that day would come because of your terminal illness, it was still sad to hear. Especially having to go straight to my friends moms funeral a few hours later. It took an hour to get there, so on the drive I prayed that GOD would give me strength to make it through the service. I met Dan at the church and didn't even have a chance to tell him about the Dr's news regarding you. I know how much GOD loves me and I know and trust that he orchestrated every detail of that day. But let me tell you how hard it was for me, knowing that I would be walking that same journey as my friend Sunday, saying goodbye to MOM. Even though I have had quite a long time to prepare myself,,it is sooo hard. Dan asked me the next morning if there is just a little relief knowing that your suffering will be over? I told him yes, it kills me to see your anxiety level so high and it has to be exhausting for you. But the selfish side of me still wants you here. I love it when I tuck you in at night and I get to pray for you and you look up at me and say "thank you, that was so beautiful." I love that I get to hug and kiss you still. I love, love, love when dad puts music on and we dance together, (you still got the moves, mom.) Being able to care for you, even though it's difficult and draining at times, I am thankful that you are here with me still. So I am moving into the denial stage of it, just to cope for now. Once again I love you mom, you are the best in the world!
Loving you always,
your daughter,
Valarie

Marriage on the Rock- part 2

It's the girls turn!
Just as a man has special needs, so does a woman. A man who loves his wife and wants to build a good marriage will do his best to understand and meet his wife's needs.

Ephesians 5:25-30 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body. but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body.

FOUR BASIC NEEDS OF A WOMAN

A: Security-it's the character of the woman's husband that makes a woman secure.
How can he provide security???
1) the reflection of the law of priority; a man must communicate that he cares for his wife more than he cares for anyone or anything. He needs to be totally committed to meeting her needs, regardless of what it costs him. Anticipate a need before she even speaks it.
2) The husband to communicate his admiration and love for his wife. Being sincere in what he communicates.
3) By communicating his faithfulness
4) By communicating his dedication to provide for the family financially. This involves praying for God's direction, being a wise money manager.

B: Nonsexual, soft touch and affection-women become more sexual when their husband kisses, caresses, and cuddles. The more connected she feels to her husband when touch doesn't always lead to sex. Don't make her feel like an object.

C: Open and honest communication-not headline news. Meaningful and real communication.

D: Need for leadership-the man to be the loving initiator at home.
How?
1)the kind of leadership a wife wants from her husband is that of a sacrificial, servant leader-a leader whose primary concerns is the uplifting and building up of his wife. This kind of leadership from a husband naturally leads to a trusting submission from his wife.
2)children-husband be the loving initiator of the children
3)romance-initiation from the husband. Get the ball rolling, make plans for her.
4)finances-well being of finances
5)spiritual-initiate praying together. Be the spiritual leader that GOD intended for you to be.

So you don't lose the intimacy with your spouse establish-DISCIPLINES, TRADITIONS, and HABITS!!!
Do you agree or disagree with the author, Jimmy Evans? Do you think he hit the nail on the head with what our needs are as women?

Marriage On the ROCK

It's been a long time since my last post and I've been wanting to write about this since our small group covered it on 2/20.
Our small group is going through the video series Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans. I found this past meeting interesting because it covered the four strongest relationship needs of a man. I realize that relationship needs of men and women vary greatly. But I was shocked when sexual needs wasn't listed as number one for men.
Every man, regardless of personality, has four primary needs. They are honor and respect, sexual fulfillment, companionship and domestic support. I never would have thought honor and respect would be my husbands greatest need. Ephesians 5:22 and 33b both address the wife about her husband's need for honor and respect.

A: Honor and respect
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord
Eph 5:33b and the wife must respect her husband
Some of you might be asking how you should show honor and respect to your husband. Here are the notes I wrote during the video.
positive speech, praise (create an atmosphere of honor), how you say things matters- try and say every word with honor and respect. Men are drawn into the presence of praise. Men are extremely sensitive about their ego. How?
1)allow him to fail in areas, honor
2)confront him in love (once) then leave it to GOD
3)honor your husband where you want him to be. Pray it over him, partner with the Holy Spirit on making your husband a great man.
*don't compare your husband to another man, control your thought life!

B) Sexual fulfillment
Except the fact that he is more sexual, men are emotionally detached, men are visually stimulated. Sex is a powerful force in a man's life, and the wife is God's only legitimate resource for satisfying the husbands needs. When we reject our husbands need for sex, we are rejecting him because his sexual drive is an essential part of who he is.. The wife must understand the strength and importance of the male appetite and need for sex.
*no man should compare their wife to any other women.

C) Companionship
Initially, we fall in love while having fun together and enjoying each other's company. A man has continuing need for that same kind of companionship-for his wife to continue relating to him as his best friend. We need to make an effort to be involved in fun activities that our husbands enjoy. Be his "fun" friend. Don't treat him like he's your child. Have fun together EVEN if it's something you don't really enjoy!

D) Domestic support
Having a place of belonging-by making the home a place where your husband loves to be. This does not mean that we (the wife) should handle all the domestic responsibilities but that our instincts for making a "house a home" need to come to the forefront. It's OK to partner with the chores!

No matter what the circumstance is in your marriage, whether your husband is doing it all right and it's easy to deliver on all four of these needs, or maybe your in a one-sided marriage where your husband acts like a dictator and is very controlling, or is emotionally absent from the marriage, or just doesn't plain deserve it. Be obedient to GOD and do what HIS word instructs us to do.

So women how are you doing in your marriage to fulfill the four strongest relationship needs of your man????

Costco and cookies!

I have realized over the years that one of my biggest pet peeves is GREED! I literally get so upset that I can feel the anger just bubbling up inside of me. But isn't that being a little hypercritical? I struggle with another persons sin, greed and then find myself sinning in my own heart with the anger.
I think to myself, come on people it's just a cookie! They literally get so mad at me if I don't have a "free cookie" to give their usually crying, screaming child. I think to myself, yea right, that's what you need to do, reward them for their disobedient behavior! It is so hard for me to not say "If you really want them to have a cookie, we sell 24 at a great low price, just buy them 24 cookies!"
And then what really gets me going is when they feel the "entitlement" to take 3 or 4 cookies just because they pay a yearly membership! I even had one father ask me "Do you have any cookies for my children?" I said yes we do. Then he proceeded to say that he gets mad at some of the girls that work back in the bakery, they don't always give his kids cookies because they say they are out of them. He proceeded to finish his statement with "I pay a yearly membership and my kids should get a cookie everytime we come in here and when you don't give my kids a cookie I go over to the cookie table, open a package myself, and take 2 cookies out of it! Can you believe it???? Isn't that stealing??
Or we always get, "Well publix gives free cookies all the time." It takes everything inside of me not to say "well then go to publix!"
It doesn't matter what the age is, I get angry at all greedy people! I have actually gone up to senior citizens that have taken a bag from the meat dept. to fill it up with our free cookies and say "excuse me, but you can only take 1 cookie, that's stealing to take a bunch like that!"
Why should I even care??? I do let it slide by some of the time, but why can't I let it slide by all the time??? Why do I get so "angry" at other peoples greediness?
Maybe it's because I struggle with that same sin-GREED.
I have in the past gone to seminars that have freebies at the table and have taken more than the 1 that I should! So is that any different? I mean it is free right?

My personal goal-Faith in 2009

Matthew 5:5-6
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

I've been thinking alot about what the year 2009 will be like for me; personally, my marriage, my children, my parents, ministry, and my job. I am a planner, I work best with schedules and I like to know ahead of time what's happening. (which is one reason I struggle with my job, I don't know from week to week what days I'm working) I know HIS ways are not my ways and that He is in control of all things. I want so desperately to glorify GOD in all areas of my life. Whether it is as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, or co-worker. Then why am I a little hesitant about 2009? I don't know what this year is going to bring and it scares me a bit.

I have a daughter graduating from high school in May, a son turning 21 in May, layoffs looming at Costco, Dans parents renewing their wedding vows in July (50th anniversary, Dan and I are in the wedding) my mom's terminal illness, my dads health and being a full time caregiver, and 2 grandmothers in their 90's.
With all that said, I was going through some drawers a few days ago and came across notes from one of Pastor Jons messages from last year. The title at the top of the page read PRAYER OF FAITH. Here is what I was reminded of as I looked over my notes and read the scriture from Matthew 5:5-6 (it's at the beginning of my blog)

Definition of MEEK (vs 5)-absence from pretension, generally suggests gentleness and the self control it entails.
Definition of RIGHTEOUSNESS (vs 6)-Gods goodness, HIS prescence in any and every circumstance.

#1) I was to list an area of "unholiness", injustice, or conflict. I listed my mom's terminal illness, my dad, and conflict with extended family
#2) Envision the coming of God's Kingdom and HIS character to this area of "unholiness", injustice, or conflict. I envisioned healing, restoration, peace, calm, forgiveness, confession, patience and love.
#3) As a member of God's Kingdom, in faith pray as to my response and/or actions.
My actions-I wrote, to be an encouragement, hurt-communicate whether it's good or bad, love them right where they are at, be a positive influence, and have a godly attitude.
My response-KINGDOM centeredness vs self centeredness, experience vs perspective (how I act and behave) Take the journey-commulative and progressive effect (the beatitudes) and finally spiritual and social application.
The journey toward meekness-POOR IN SPIRIT, MOURNING, MEEKNESS.

Being the loving, caring, all knowing GOD that HE is, HE graciuosly let me stumble across my old notes in order to help me trust and have faith in HIM for this coming year, whatever it may bring. I pray I will bring GODS character to any and every situation that might arise for 2009 and try not to miss the sunset! I will close this writing with the PRAYER OF FAITH

BREATHE IN ME, HOLY SPIRIT, THAT I MAY THINK WHAT IS HOLY.
MOVE ME, HOLY SPIRIT, THAT I MAY DO WHAT IS HOLY.
ATTRACT ME, HOLY SPIRIT, THAT I MAY LOVE WHAT IS HOLY.
STRENGTHEN ME, HOLY SPIRIT, THAT I MAY GUARD WHAT IS HOLY.
GUARD ME, HOLY SPIRIT, THAT I MAY KEEP WHAT IS HOLY.
AMEN!

Mom and Dad's Chirstmas Photo

This Christmas my dad wanted to have a picture together with their grandchildren to send out in their Christmas cards. We were all able to be together on Christmas to take pictures and video as we celebrated together. The day was bittersweet for me as I realized that this could be our last Christmas with my mom. I was filled with joy to have another holiday with my mom, and also felt sad knowing that this could be our last Christmas with her. I am thankful and very blessed to have the close relationship with my mother that I do. I have so many wonderful memories that I hold close to my heart, and to that I am so thankful for. She is and always will be the example I will try to follow as a daughter, wife, mother, sister and a friend. To that I say "THANK YOU, MOM-YOU'RE THE BEST"

Christmas Day At Mom and Dad's

TRUSTING GOD IN THE MIDST OF PAIN

This I do know: God's people are not immune from pain. Often it seems as if the believers pain is more severe, more frequent, more unexplainable, and more deeply felt than that of the unbeliever. So my question is "Where is GOD in all of this?"
CAN I TRUST GOD? TRUST-Is he dependable in times of adversity? I-Do I have such a relationship with God and such a confidence in HIM that I believe HE is with me in my adversity even though I do not see any evidence of HIS presence and HIS power?
I do know that I am not alone when I say "I don't enjoy pain", and when I am in the midst of it, I want it over as quickly as possible.

Ecclesiates 7:13 Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?
I feel God has brought a "crooked" event in my life with the terminal illness of my mom. Do I really believe that a God who loves me and knows what's best for me is in control of my situation? Can I trust Him even if I don't understand? Can I even encourage others to trust HIM when they are in the throes of emotional pain?
Even in the midst of my distress, despair, and sadness I know GOD loves me and that I need to trust Him even if I don't understand. But man is it hard! I find it is more difficult to trust God than to obey Him.
When we disobey God we defy His authority and despise His Holiness.
When we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness.
My situation doesn't make sense to me but I must have faith. It is only in scripture that I find an adequate view of God's relationship to and involvement in my painful circumstance. It is only from the Scriptures applied to my heart by the Holy Spirit that I receive the grace to trust God in adversity. Scripture teaches 3 truths about God-truths I must believe if I can trust Him in adversity.
1) God is completely sovereign.
2) God is infinite in wisdom.
3) God is perfect in love.
God in His love always wills what is best for me. In his wisdom He always knows what is best for me. And in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about.
With knowing all that, how come I feel so alone, so sad, so helpless, fearful, & sometimes angry?
I struggle to get up and face the day.
I cried while decorating the house for Christmas, I'm just not in a very celebrating mood. It's not even finished.
I am tired of "pretending" everything is okay and I'm doing fine when I really want to say LIFE SUCKS, I hate watching my mom die a long slow death.
I don't enjoy hearing Christmas songs because it reminds me of how much my mom enjoyed them, especially her favorites.
It tears me apart to see what is happening to my dad and the toll of being a full-time caretaker is doing to him.
It bothers me that I am sad and moody toward my family when they don't deserve it and I wonder how I can "be happy during this holiday season" for my family, when I can care less about celebrating it.

So, this is what GOD has revealed to me during my time of adversity.
I haven't come to Him on a daily basis with my hurt and struggles.
I have chosen to feel sorry for myself instead of acknowledging God's sovereign control over my life.
I must learn to trust when I don't understand.
God never pursues His Glory at the expense of the good of His people nor does He ever seek our good at the expense of His glory. He has designed His eternal purpose so that His glory and our good are inextricably bound together.
That in itself should bring me great comfort and encouragement!

So I confess my sinful heart. And I ask you, my SAVIOR, to deliver me out of this sinful state of mind that I have been in. Help me to rejoice in this holiday season and not be sad and angry. Lift me out of this state of despair that I am in. Help me to be an encouragement to others that are hurting. Be with my dad and help him to see the hope that is in you. I pray that through my moms illness that he may come to know you personally. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me, even when I might deserve it. I confess my lack of trust and faith and ask that I will daily come to you instead of going for so long on my own strength. And instead of "pretending" that I am happy, that you will feel me with joy! Amen.

I've been tagged-15 things I'm not afraid to admit!

1) I love old Motown music-O'Jays, Whispers, Temptations etc....

2) I'd rather give birth than run :-) I hate running 3 miles to try and stay in shape!

3) I have my memorial service planned out

4) I'd rather bake than cook

5) A nice hot Chai Tea w/vanilla soy milk does me good

6) I was a tom boy growing up

7) I love sports-especially my Pittsburgh Steelers :-)

8) If I had to choose between living in the mountains or on a Caribbean Island, I would pick the mountains.

9) I love the smell of bleach-clean :-)

10) I would love to be a stay at home wife and mother

11) I love music and dancing(especially the cha cha slide)

12) I am happy to say so far we made it through raising our children w/o any major incidents.

13) I went out with a Pittsburgh Steeler many years ago.

14) I had braces and glasses at the same time in Jr. High School

15) I am blessed with a great man, two beautiful children, loving parents and brother, awesome extended family, and amazing friends-what more can a girl ask for!

This is the Day the LORD has Made!

Psalm 139:13-14,16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
I've written these verses today because they are a few that I have struggled with since making the choice to become a follower of Christ. I have struggled for so many years with being extremely insecure. These verses were given to me as a new believer by a mature christian woman at Deltona Alliance church. She asked me to memorize these verses and really hold them close to my heart. That was 20 years ago and I can honestly say now "Thank you Jesus, for you created me and I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
It has been many, many years of hurt, anger, disappointment, and "pretending" I was fearfully and wonderfully made. There has been struggles with anorexia, suicide attempts and self inflictions trying to make the pain go away.
As I celebrate my sweet Jesus giving me life 46 years ago, I am so thankful for his LOVE & PATIENCE with me. It has taken me so long and many a painful lessons to finally get it. I am GODS child, he gave me life, he ordained the days that I will have here on earth. He loves me like no other! When I made that commitment to follow him 20 some years ago, I received an inheritance to HIS kingdom. How cool is that! Over my adult years I never wanted to celebrate my birthday. I didn't feel deserving enough. But as I begin this day that GOD so graciously let me be born on, I am so blessed, so thankful, so appreciative of all that HE has blessed me with. My husband, my children, my father, mother, brother, many precious and loving extended family members, and many dear sweet friends! I am such a blessed woman!
To my mom and dad-thank you, I could never have asked to be with more loving and amazing parents. Thank you for your love, devotion, encouragement and for loving me enough and each other enough to bring me into this world. I love you both so much!
To my husband-words cannot begin to tell you how much I am in love with you. You are an amazing man of GOD. Thank you for not giving up on me and staying by my side through some very rough times. I know alot of them were not easy! Thank you for always believing in me!
To my wonderful children- Brennen and Rachelle. I love you both so much. What an amazing gift you both have been. I love being your mom! You both have been such sweet blessings in my life, I am so proud of you both! You have given me such amazing memories to cherish and hold close to my heart!
So, as I celebrate this day, my birthday, I celebrate the many special people that have touched and have been a blessing over my 46 years! Thank you for being in my life! I am one blessed woman!

"Let the rivers clap their hands, Let the mountains sing together for joy" --Ps 98:8

Holding snow at Brasstown Bald Lookout












High Shoals Falls

Life In The Mountains

Words can't describe God's amazing creation, and even though a picture is worth a thousand words, it still doesn't do justice, but I have to show you anyway. Below are a few pictures from our visit to ANA RUBY FALLS

Dear JESUS, help

Dear Jesus, I just wanted you to know that I am feeling overwhelmed at this time. It seems that I have lost the Joy in life. I know there was never any promise of no more trials or heartaches as I gave my life to you so long ago, BUT....why does it seem like life is so overwhelming??? It feels like a tidal wave of "stuff" is smashing down on me. I know that satan is doing double time on me, trying to break my spirit. I am crying out to the only one who can catch me as I am falling.

I feel as if I have no right to feel this way when so many other people are in much worse circumstances. You have blessed me richly, in the past, present, and I know even in the future you're blessings will flow down on me. Help me to never forget what you have brought me out of. I am your child whom you love greatly. You know me better than I know myself. Even as life seems tough right now, help me to see your love for me. Comfort me as I am loosing my precious mother. Give me compassion, strength, and the right words to say as I continue to show her and my dad your love. Forgive me when I get frustrated with my mom when she gets difficult.

Help me to trust you when things seem overwhelming financially. I know I have been a poor steward of money, I am wanting to please you when it comes to our finances! Help me to not fret as one thing after another is hitting us right now. Help me not to feel as if I am disappointing people when I have to say no, we can't do that right now and give me the strength to be able to say no. You know the desire of my heart is to be able to quit work and be with my mom in the time she has left. Even in the hardship of our finances, I trust that you will provide a way, if it is your will.

Thank you that I am able to come to a loving savior who cares deeply about my wants and concerns. I confess my lack of joy. I ask that throughout this day I am able to show other people love, YOUR LOVE, even in the midst of my sad heart!
Your daughter,
Valarie

I MISS YOU MOM

It's been years since I have had conversation with you. Do you know how much I miss you??? Do you know how much I long to have our talks again??? To hear your words of encouragement, support and of love??? You have always been my greatest cheerleader, telling me I can be anything I want or do anything I want. You always believed in me. I know you never doubted my love for you, but I wish when I tell you now, you are able to understand what I am saying. I think you do, but I wish there was a way of knowing for sure!

I want to thank you for being a great example to me. You have taught me the meaning of giving, of mercy, of hospitality and of being a servant. I never saw anyone come to our house while growing up that you didn't wait on hand and foot! You always made them feel at home. And you never asked if they needed anything just once, you continually asked them to make sure they weren't in need of anything! Sometimes to the point of us or them saying NOOOO-just sit down and relax (huh? wonder who I take after :-)? I am learning to try and relax and enjoy me company more :-)

I miss our times of laughing and just being silly. You always seem to enjoy yourself where ever you went. Especially if there was dancing involved. I think that's where I got my love of music and dancing. I have so many fun memories of our time out on the dance floor, from doing the hustle to the electric slide. It brought such joy to my heart this summer in PA when we were at Aunt Gert's house, they turned the music on and your face just lit up! Even your 90 yr. old mom got up to dance with you. You went from your aunts, cousins, and sisters making your way around to get a dance with each one. I thank GOD for giving me that precious gift of a glimpse of you before you got sick! He gives me those small gifts every now and then and oh how I cherish them.


It tears me up inside as I see you slipping further and further away from me. It brings such sadness to my heart as I see the fear and confusion in your eyes and know that there is nothing I can do but hold you and pray that GOD would bring a calmness over you. I'm not angry that God allowed this to happen to you, I trust HIM completely with this and with you. I know how much HE loves you, it's just that I miss you so much! I see GOD working not only in my heart but dad's heart as well. I see a part of dad that I might not have ever gotten to see if you didn't get sick. It's just sad that you don't get a chance to see this side of him, serving you. You served him so well for so many years! I see the sadness in his eyes, he loves and misses you too mom. If only I could have one wish in the world-It would be to have you healthy and back with all of us again! I love you forever and always!
your daughter-Valarie

Leading your Heart-The Love Dare

What is the Heart???
Your IDENTITY. Your heart is the most important part of who you are. It is the center of your being, where the "real you" resides. "The heart of man reflects man" (prov 27:19) As a person "thinks in his heart, so he is" (Prov 23:7)
Your CENTER. Since your physical heart is the center of your body and sends life-giving blood out to every cell, the word "heart" has been used for centuries to describe the core starting place of all your thoughts, beliefs, values, motives, and convictions.
Your HEADQUARTERS. Your heart is the Pentagon of your operations. As a result, every area of your life is impacted by the direction of your heart.

What's wrong with following my heart? It's FOOLISH. The world says "Follow your Heart!" This is the philosophy of new age gurus, self-help seminars, and romantic pop songs. Because it sounds romantic and noble, it sells millions of records and books. The problem is that following your heart usually means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment whether or not it actually is right. The bible says"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered." (Prov. 28:26)
It's UNRELIABLE. People forget that feelings and emotions are shallow, fickle, and unreliable. They can fluctuate depending upon the circumstances. What feels right in the height of sweet emotion often feels like a sour mistake a few years later. This selfish philosophy is also the source of countless divorces. It leads many to excuse themselves from their lifelong commitments because they no longer "feel in love."
It's CORRUPT. The truth is our hearts are basically selfish and sinful. The bible says, "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer 17:9) Jesus said, "Out of our heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication's, thefts, false witness, slanders" (Matt 15:19) Unless our hearts are genuinely changed by GOD, they will continue to choose wrong things.

Should I ever follow my heart??
King Solomon said "A wise man's heart directs him toward the right, but the foolish man's heart directs him towards the left." (Eccles 10:2) Just as your heart can direct you toward hatred, lust, and violence, it can also be driven by love, truth, and kindness. As you walk with GOD, He will put dreams in your heart that HE wants to fulfill in your life. He will also put skills and abilities in your heart that He wants to develop for His glory (Exodus 35:30-35) He will give you the desire to give (2Cor 9:7) and to worship (Eph 5:19) As you put GOD first, He will step in and fulfill the good desires of your heart. The bible says, "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart" (psalm 37:4) But the only time you can feel good about following your heart is when you know your heart is intent on serving and pleasing GOD!

Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for all the times that I chose to follow my heart. I did it all out of my own selfishness. I know that some of the choices I have made in the past have been a direct result from following my heart. Thank you, for even in those bad choices, you have delivered me out of such horrible circumstances. Thank you for being so patient with me as I daily try to serve and please you. As you put dreams in my heart, help me to have discernment to know the ones that are from you and not my enemy. Continue to do the work in me that enables me to give and worship. And ALWAYS, ALWAYS reveal to me the true nature of my heart in everything I do and everything I say-Amen

Taken from the book The Love Dare (Fireproof)

The scripture say that GOD designed and created marriage as a good thing. It is a beautiful, priceless gift. He uses marriage to help us eliminate loneliness, multiply our effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life, and bless us with relational intimacy. But beyond this, marriage also shows us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self-centeredness through the help of a lifelong partner. If we are teachable, we will learn to do the one thing that is most important in marriage---to love. This powerful union provides the path for you to learn how to love another imperfect person unconditionally. It is wonderful. It is difficult. It is life changing.
This book is about love. It's about learning and Daring to live a life filled w/loving relationships. And this journey begins w/the person who is closest to you: your spouse. May GOD bless you as you begin this adventure.
But be sure of this: it will take courage. If you accept this dare, you must take the view that instead of following your heart, you choose to lead it. The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is. The bible says that "the heart is more deceitful than all else"(Jer 17:9) and it will always pursue that which feels right at the moment.

The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse to be the person you want them to be. You've no doubt already discovered that efforts to change your husband or wife have ended in failure and frustration. Rather, this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.
Remember, you have the responsibility to protect and guide your heart. Don't give up and don't get discouraged. Resolve to lead your heart and to make it through to the end. Learning to truly love is one of the most important things you will ever do.
NOW THESE THREE REMAIN:
FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE.
BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE
1Corinthians 13:13

DAY 1
LOVE IS PATIENT-Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love--Eph 4:2 NIV
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

If you want to get a copy of The Love Dare it is at SAM'S CLUB for a little over $8.00. There are three very important elements to each day. First- a unique aspect of love will be discussed. Second-you will be given a specific dare to do for your spouse, some easy, some challenging. THIRD-you will be given a journal space to log what you are learning and doing and how your spouse is responding.
My prayers are if there are any struggles your marriage is enduring right now, whether severe or just minor I challenge you to take this 40 day love dare instead of filing for divorce or settling for a so-so marriage that is met with resentment or unmet expectations!

THE GREATEST CHALLANGE IN THE WORLD-A call to Holiness more than Happiness!

We can use the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to God and to grow in Christian character. To spiritually benefit from marriage, we have to be honest. We have to look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness. We also have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles. Most of us have discovered that these "simple steps" work only on a superficial level. Why? Because there's a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how we can "improve" our marriage.
What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place?

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy???
What if we are to accept the "bitter juice" because out of it we may learn to draw the resources we need with which to make "the honey of a holy life"?

Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simple shatters. Mature love, the kind demanded of a good marriage, must stretch, as the sinful human condition is such that all of us bear conflicting emotions. "Her hatred is real as her love is real" This is the reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults, for the rest of their lives.

A wedding calls us to our highest and best-in fact, to almost impossible-ideals. It's the way we want to live. But marriage reminds us of the daily reality of living as sinful human beings in a radically broken world. We aspire after love but far too often descend into hate.

Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism.

If you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face character issues you'd never have to face otherwise.
Marriage is the preferred route to becoming more like HIM.
The real transforming work of marriage is the twenty-four-hours-a-day, seven-days-a-week commitment. This is the crucible that grinds and shapes us into the character of Jesus Christ.
Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life. Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly begin to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness.
Not that God has anything against happiness, or that happiness and holiness are by nature mutually exclusive, but looking at marriage through the lens of holiness begins to put it into an entirely new perspective for me.

Taken from the book "Sacred Marriage" chapter one.

I will share more of this chapter in my next post. This book has opened my eyes to what God wants from my marriage. I just wish I had read it in the beginning of my marriage not 21 years later, but, better late than never :-) I was one that aspired after love and descended into hate.

Make Me A Servant

The essence of Christianity is found in Phil 2. There Paul urges us to do nothing "out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others".
Paul escalates this by teaching by calling us to emulate Christ Jesus, who, though he was "in very nature God....made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant" (Phil 2:6-7)
Otto Piper nails the marriage relationships potential to create a servant heart in us when he descibes marriage as "a reciprocal willingness of two persons to assume responsibility for each other" I need to ask myself daily "How can I serve my mate?"
Marriage creates a situation in which our desire to be served and coddled can be replaced with a more noble desire to serve others---even to sacrifice for others. This is a call for BOTH husband and wives. The beauty of marriage is that it confronts our selfishness and demands our service twenty-four hours a day. When we're most tired, most worn down, and feeling more sorry for ourselves than we ever have before, we have the opportunity to confront feelings of self-pity by getting up and serving our mate.
The vast majority of people do not enter marriage with a view to becoming a servant. The marriage relationship is often seen as a selfish one because our motivations for marrying often are SELFISH. To fully sanctify the marital relationship, we must live it together as Jesus lived his life--embracing the discipline of sacrifice and service as a daily pratice. In the same way that Jesus gave his body for us, we are to lay down our energy, our bodies, and our lives for others. Each day we must die to our own desires and rise as a servant. We are called each day to identify with the suffereing Christ on the cross, and then be empowered by the resurrected Christ. We die to our expectations, our demands, and our fears. We rise to compromise, service, and courage.
"THE WORTHY"
An important thing to remember is that service is a spritual discipline we owe to God, and it can only be lived out as it is applied to others. God has called me to serve him through people, regardless of whether those people are "worthy" of being served.
I reach out to people because God has loved me and asked me to love others in return, not because the people I am loving are "worthy" of love or because they'll thank me for it in the end. It's not for me to make judgements about their "worthiness."
God is always worthy of being obeyed and served, so when I act out of obedience to him, the person who receives my sevice doesn't have to be deserving--they're benefiting from what I owe GOD. This truth is hard to apply in marriage, where demands and expectations are so plentiful, but I try and remind myself of this fact: God is always worthy of being obeyed, and God calls me to serve my spouse-so regardless of how she treats me at any particular moment, I AM CALLED TO RESPOND AS A SERVANT!
If your in a one-sided marriage where you feel like you're giving and giving and never receiving, myheart goes out to you. You can partially redeem such a situation by becoming more God-oriented. Remind yourself that you are also in a situation where you can grow spiritually by leaps and bounds. If the heart of Christianity is service, any situation that shapes the spirit of a servant in you is worthwhile-even a lop-sided marriage. Remember, part of Christian service is performing it with a beautiful spirit! There is true JOY when true service is offerred up with a true heart!
This was taken from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Chapter ten "Make me a servant" Marriage can build in us a servant's heart. I wrote this out to help remind me that I am to serve my husband. Even when I don't feel loved or maybe at the time when it feels one-sided in my marriage. I need to constantly remind myself to die to self. I made a covenant with Dan 21 years ago. Maybe at the time it was for selfish motivations of looking at Dan to bring me happiness, love, security. I realize when I am feeling the most tired, the most worn down, and feeling sorry for myself is when I can receive the most joy from my heavenly father by serving my husband with a beautiful sprit. Dear Jesus help me to always look for those opportunities even when I am completely drained to serve my husband and others so I don't miss out on showing them your love! Amen

Fireproof-The movie

My husband and I went with some people from Westwood Church to go preview the movie "Fireproof" this past Monday. Sadly the chances of the movie making it into mainstream are very slim (they are already talking about pulling it from theaters Oct. 3) The movie had a great message and could touch a lot of marriages that are hurting or on the verge of divorce if it was done more mainstream. The acting started out a little hoke but picked up as the movie went on. The thing that freaked Dan and I out is how similar the story was to our story a few years back. I mean we both left the theater and said "WOW!" The main character was a fireman (so was Dan) one of the only difference was Dan never got into porn like the main character (Kirk Cameron) did. His wife's mother was unable to talk due to a stroke and so she was trying to help care for her mom. She would talk and cry to her and say I wish you could talk so you can help me, I'm hurting. (my mom is unable to talk with me due to dementia) At times it became painful in my heart to watch and I had to fight staying in the theater. At times I could feel Dan breathing heavy from the uncomfortableness.

His wife said she was done and wanted out (me too) After some encouragement and a 41 day challange from Kirk's dad he pursues his wife which she rejects with "I don't love you" (so did I) The first half of his pursuit was done half heartedly (yea, his was too) after another challange from his dad he gets serious about putting more heart into it. Meanwhile, the wife who does PR work at a hospital gets attention from a sweet talking Dr. who gives her validation (same thing with me except he wasn't a Dr) It amazes me how satan sits and waits for the right time to make his move knowing how vulnerable I was and out of the blue bringing this stranger around to show me validation and tell me all these sweet nice things, knowing I longed to hear from my husband for years. It makes me angry and I realize how sneaky he is. He waited until I was done and said "move in-she is ripe for the taking" and boy did I fall! The years of hurt and rejection was a door I left opened for satan to come on through and he did! I came into the marriage with alot of hurt and rejection and then to experience it again in my marriage was very painful to me. Even though I was a believer for a very long time I never grabbed ahold of how much GOD loves me and that my validation comes through him. I went through life wondering what the heck my problem was, why nobody loves me. I became very insecure and lonely. That's how I was able to "fall" so hard, in my worst pain and hurt satan sent someone to tell me I wasn't a bad person. I had opportunities throughout the marriage of hearing from other men, sweet stuff that made me feel good and wondered why my husband didn't see those things. But what the difference with that was I still had hope in my marriage, I still loved my husband, I WASN'T DONE (YET). But as soon as I said those words "I'M DONE" satan saw his chance and I fell right into his trap. It was a long process for me to get through on how badly I hurt my JESUS and my HUSBAND. To accept and know that I was forgiven, and I wasn't some scum who could barely look at myself in the mirror. I feel that forgiveness each and every time my husband takes me in his arms and loves me. The work we both had to do to overcome a marriage that was definitely over was intense and painful at times but was well worth the hard work! We are still in counseling to maintain a healthy marriage. We are finishing up a great study in our small group "SACRED MARRIAGE" which encourages us to fall toward our spouses in a world that most couples fall away from each other.

A great scene in the movie was when a co -worker of Kirk's told him that he and his wife had been in counseling and that some great advice that was given to him was to always be a student of your spouse. Don't just settle for a High School, Associates, Bachelor's, or even Doctorate degree, keep going on all the way being a student of your spouse till death due you part! How great is that!!! So this is my prayer-Oh Lord, thank you for your uncondional love and abundant forgiveness. Help me to daily be a student of my husband, help me to know his needs and to meet those needs the best way I can through you. Help us to always fall toward each other and not away from each other. Thank you for my husband, bless our marriage in ways that we could never have imagined. Amen!

I really never went into Dan's stuff in our marriage because I do want to protect him. That is his story to tell if and when he chooses.
Valarie

Caring for my mom

My mom is sick with dementia. Three years ago they said it was Alzheimers. The diagnosis has been changed to Picks Disease this past April by the 4th Neurologist we have taken her too. I wish there was a book out that instructed you on how to deal with watching someone you love so much go from being your wonderful, beautiful mom to a two year old who at times is not sure what my name is. It is very difficult to watch as my mom looses pieces of herself. I have learned to mourn these little deaths instead of getting angry at them. I am learning to cherish those "moments" that God blesses me with as I get glimpes of my mom back every now and then! They are few and far between, but oh how it touches my heart when she is mom again...
I get upset when I allow myself to get frustrated at her when she doesn't do what I want her to do, or when I have to eat my meals cold because after a few bites on her own she stops eating and I have to feed her so she will eat. It reveals my heart and it makes me sad at how selfish I am. I make it about me instead of serving and loving my mom. How can I in one sense say it's an honor and a privliage to care for her and in turn get so upset at her???? I pray that as GOD reveals my selfishness I will one day be able to do this weekly trip to my parents house with joy each and every time instead of the whoa is me attitude!
Valarie