TRUSTING GOD IN THE MIDST OF PAIN

This I do know: God's people are not immune from pain. Often it seems as if the believers pain is more severe, more frequent, more unexplainable, and more deeply felt than that of the unbeliever. So my question is "Where is GOD in all of this?"
CAN I TRUST GOD? TRUST-Is he dependable in times of adversity? I-Do I have such a relationship with God and such a confidence in HIM that I believe HE is with me in my adversity even though I do not see any evidence of HIS presence and HIS power?
I do know that I am not alone when I say "I don't enjoy pain", and when I am in the midst of it, I want it over as quickly as possible.

Ecclesiates 7:13 Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?
I feel God has brought a "crooked" event in my life with the terminal illness of my mom. Do I really believe that a God who loves me and knows what's best for me is in control of my situation? Can I trust Him even if I don't understand? Can I even encourage others to trust HIM when they are in the throes of emotional pain?
Even in the midst of my distress, despair, and sadness I know GOD loves me and that I need to trust Him even if I don't understand. But man is it hard! I find it is more difficult to trust God than to obey Him.
When we disobey God we defy His authority and despise His Holiness.
When we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness.
My situation doesn't make sense to me but I must have faith. It is only in scripture that I find an adequate view of God's relationship to and involvement in my painful circumstance. It is only from the Scriptures applied to my heart by the Holy Spirit that I receive the grace to trust God in adversity. Scripture teaches 3 truths about God-truths I must believe if I can trust Him in adversity.
1) God is completely sovereign.
2) God is infinite in wisdom.
3) God is perfect in love.
God in His love always wills what is best for me. In his wisdom He always knows what is best for me. And in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about.
With knowing all that, how come I feel so alone, so sad, so helpless, fearful, & sometimes angry?
I struggle to get up and face the day.
I cried while decorating the house for Christmas, I'm just not in a very celebrating mood. It's not even finished.
I am tired of "pretending" everything is okay and I'm doing fine when I really want to say LIFE SUCKS, I hate watching my mom die a long slow death.
I don't enjoy hearing Christmas songs because it reminds me of how much my mom enjoyed them, especially her favorites.
It tears me apart to see what is happening to my dad and the toll of being a full-time caretaker is doing to him.
It bothers me that I am sad and moody toward my family when they don't deserve it and I wonder how I can "be happy during this holiday season" for my family, when I can care less about celebrating it.

So, this is what GOD has revealed to me during my time of adversity.
I haven't come to Him on a daily basis with my hurt and struggles.
I have chosen to feel sorry for myself instead of acknowledging God's sovereign control over my life.
I must learn to trust when I don't understand.
God never pursues His Glory at the expense of the good of His people nor does He ever seek our good at the expense of His glory. He has designed His eternal purpose so that His glory and our good are inextricably bound together.
That in itself should bring me great comfort and encouragement!

So I confess my sinful heart. And I ask you, my SAVIOR, to deliver me out of this sinful state of mind that I have been in. Help me to rejoice in this holiday season and not be sad and angry. Lift me out of this state of despair that I am in. Help me to be an encouragement to others that are hurting. Be with my dad and help him to see the hope that is in you. I pray that through my moms illness that he may come to know you personally. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me, even when I might deserve it. I confess my lack of trust and faith and ask that I will daily come to you instead of going for so long on my own strength. And instead of "pretending" that I am happy, that you will feel me with joy! Amen.