My Journey thru my mom's illness

It has been 5 years since we started noticing subtle changes in my mom's health. It mainly started with her memory, just forgetting how to play simple card games, children's puzzles/games, and cooking. In our lack of knowledge, it was easy to get frustrated with her, not understanding what her deal was. When we finally got a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, literally we were shocked. The neurologist basically put a name to her "problems" and sent us on our way. No information, no counseling, nothing-just a word, ALZHEIMER'S! Too say we were in shock would be putting it mildly. So in the age of instant info, I turned to the Internet and started my own investigating. As I read and read and reread I was a bit confused on the symptoms my mom was having. Things didn't match up all the way. So I looked into a few other dementia's. It amazed me that there are over 70 some different types of dementia. A friend mentioned Picks Disease so I started researching and learning all I could about that disease since it seemed to match more of what my mom was going through. It took 4 different neurologists to finally have the last one say he was pretty sure it was Picks due to the high anxiety and behavior patterns she had.

To say that the last 5 years were very difficult would be putting it lightly. I have seen such a tremendous change in my dad through this very difficult journey. He amazes me as I watch him day in and day out care for my mom. I don't recall seeing the "tenderness" "compassion" and "love" back in my childhood days as I see it now. I worry about my dad, I see the sacrifices that he makes to care for my mom and keep her at home till she passes. He is exhausted, depressed, & not feeling well himself. He has lost a bunch of weight and sometimes I wonder if I will loose both my parents soon. Being able to be a part of this journey has allowed me to see that wonderful side. It brings tears to my eyes, (before mom got to sick) as i recall him taking her hand and dancing with her. In those moments it seemed like they were back in their high school days, dancing away like there was no cares in the world and no one else was on the dance floor except them! There wasn't anything my mom wouldn't do for my dad. They snow skied, snowmobiled, water skied, and camped together. Oh how she loves him! To this day I see it in her eyes as they follow him across the room. He has become her constant, the one she knows will be there to care for her day in and day out. Just as she knows her Heavenly Father cares and loves her day in and day out and is waiting for that perfect day to call her home.
So where does that leave me on this journey? I realize that we all have a "Caretaker". HE tends to me, HE watches over me and he has never entrusted that job to anyone else. Human help is wonderful, but it is always human. We get tired, frustrated, angry, depressed and so on and so on! HE NEVER does. Somehow in HIS limitless capacity to love, nurture and watch over us, Christ can attend to each of us as if we are the only one in the world! (Beth Moore) Sometimes I think I can't do this anymore, it is too much! But GOD always brings me back to "I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me. He promises if I seek HIM and HIS righteousness first, He will add everything else of value to my life (Matthew 6:33)
God wants to be a part of every step of this journey I am on with my sweet mom. I need to let HIM daily guide and direct me. John 13:7 says "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand" God knows when something glorious in the future necessitates something difficult in the present. Because HE knows the glory will be worth it. God will risk being misunderstood. God wants us to have joyful, satisfying, lives, but HE also wants us to have crowns to cast. Rewards to receive. Character to develop. Compassion's to give. Testimonies to tell. In the midst of those painful processes, GOD makes bold promises. (Beth Moore-Stepping Up)
So...I have quite a few testimonies to tell as I look back on my life. Difficult, painful things that I didn't understand at the time and thinking why GOD have you abandoned me, too being able to share how GOD had rescued me and brought me out of and through those painful times. And this latest painful time is with my mom. BUT, I am so thankful for a Savior who promises to never leave me or forsake me, and gives me exactly what I need to make it through each day!
I love you sweet Savior for each trial that you bring into my life. As difficult and painful as they are, it teaches me to be more like you, it draws me closer to really knowing you more intimately. I know that you are holding me oh so very closely through this pain and sadness. Thank you that I have a Heavenly Daddy that cares about my every need! AMEN :-)